Those that have experienced abortion have stories that are varied and unique. The one thing they have in common is that they have all been affected in one way or another.
These 3 unique stories are all told by people in their own words and from different perspectives. All stories are anonymous for confidentiality.
A Man’s Story
My girlfriend called me during Christmas break and told me she was pregnant. I was stunned and terrified. I couldn’t possibly tell my parents what had happened, they would disown me for sure, and possibly hate me forever. And so, when my girlfriend asked me what I wanted to do, I responded, in retrospect probably too quickly, “abortion”. She responded that she didn’t know if she could. After a few days of not discussing the topic, she told me she had decided to get an abortion. She felt that we weren’t ready to have a child, financially, professionally, maturity.
And so she made the arrangements. I accompanied her and it was over fairly quickly. She told me the next day that she felt fine emotionally. I wonder sometimes if she has continued to feel fine. I don’t know how I feel. I feel a sense of shame, a sense of guilt, but it comes and goes. My mother figured out what had happened and offered her support and forgiveness. I’ve told several counselors (I suffer from depression, unrelated) with mostly supportive responses or no real response at all. I can go long periods without thinking about it, then it will pop up out of nowhere and I will struggle. The truth is, I was not ready to be a parent, but I don’t know if that means we made the right choice. It was a no-win situation.
I wish I could go back and change things and the first thing I would change is the night the conception took place, we were careless. Unable to change that, I sometimes wonder if I should have faced the music and taken a chance in telling my family. Maybe all would have been ok. I also sometimes feel it was best because of the struggles I’ve had with depression and the genetic link, I wouldn’t wish depression on anyone. It’s usually in the midst of a bout of depression that these thoughts arise. But, regardless, it cannot be undone, regardless of whatever I may feel, and truthfully I do not know what I feel. Today though, I feel a mixture of regret and confusion.
A Young Woman’s Story
I found out I was pregnant on April 15, 3 days after my 16th birthday. I had been sneaking over to my boyfriend’s house every weekend and the thing I never wanted to happen so soon in my life happened. My period was late and I was having symptoms and I just prayed that I wasn’t pregnant. I had been trying to find a way to get an abortion without needing a parent’s consent since my mom said she’d kick me out if I ever got pregnant and I didn’t have a very good relationship with my dad.
After I took the test and it was positive I was so in shock that I had no idea what to do. My boyfriend tried consoling me but I was feeling so many different things at once that nothing would’ve made me feel better. I had to tell my stepmom and my dad and we set up an appointment. I did not want an abortion. I needed an abortion. It wouldn’t have been right to bring a baby into a world where I knew his or her life would’ve been difficult. There would’ve been too many conflicts and struggles. I sobbed the entire time that I lay on that table and had my baby removed. I was 8 weeks I think and there was a heartbeat. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and ever will have to do.
I got my abortion on May 13th. It’s September now and every single day it haunts me. I wish I had the chance to give my baby a good life, I wish I was able to tell my friends about it, and I wish I had the chance to feel excited or happy about having a baby. I feel envious of people who found out their pregnant and are supported and can’t wait to have their baby. All I got to feel was sad, scared, and alone. I can’t talk to anybody about how I feel now because they don’t understand. I think that if it weren’t for my mom and knowing that she would never look at me the same, I would’ve had my baby. I know that at the right time when I get pregnant again it’ll be you coming back to me. I wish I could say I’m sorry. I wish I could tell him or her that I didn’t want to do that but I needed to. If there was a chance to give my baby a good happy life at that time I would be 27 weeks pregnant today.
I miss you every day.
A Grandmother’s Story
This experience comes from the perspective of a grandmother.
My daughter and her husband decided to have an abortion a year ago when they found out they were expecting twins. My daughter’s previous pregnancy (she has two children) was fraught with difficulties, and although her son was born healthy it was a high-anxiety pregnancy. They also had severe financial problems, and after days of agonizing, decided to have the twins aborted.
My deepest grief was for my daughter and how she could deal with the aftermath of this as I knew her personality was deeply loving. But fear overcame her and her husband, and in spite of my offers of help, they went ahead with the abortion.
Then I had to deal with my own grief in a way that would not make things worse for her. It was, and to a lesser extent still is, something I am working through. I extend my loving sympathy to all grandmothers in this position.
As you can see from these stories, Abortion Changes You, regardless of your stance on the topic of abortion. No matter what role you play in the story, it is hard to remain unaffected. Sometimes an abortion experience can create intense emotions that you may not feel equipped to deal with on your own. You are not alone and we are here to listen. Please contact us today to schedule an appointment to speak with one of our trained patient advocates. All of our services are free and confidential.
*If you or someone you know is considering or planning to hurt oneself, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255). If you are not ready to contact us, please visit abortionchangesyou.com to walk through the tasks of grieving, read more stories like the ones above, and learn healthy coping.
Options Health is a safe place where you can confidentially come and discuss sexual health, pregnancy, and relationship issues with one of our patient advocates. Feel free to contact us today to take advantage of our free services, including pregnancy testing, ultrasound, pregnancy options consultation, and STD testing. Call us or text us to schedule an appointment. We are here for you and ready to listen!